So, now I am on a journey to get my joy back. Oh, I have been happy at times during this... my husband is wonderful, our girls are such blessings, my family and friends are great, we both have good jobs and we live in a beautiful house, we have food and clothing and extra things as well. Notice what is missing? Jesus. The giver of Joy. I have neglected my love for Him. My head still calls him Lord, but that is not the same tune of my heart.
I remember an analogy when I was in high school at a retreat. The speaker showed us a jar and demonstrated how if you put the small things in first, the big & important things do not fit. That's where I have been. Trying to jam so many things in & not stopping to put the most important thing into my jar - my relationship with God. So, I keep looking at my jar and wondering why? Why am I not feeling peaceful? Why am I not feeling joy? So, I am praying for this to change & for God to change my heart towards Him.